A potted history of Jerry Wipes, the novelty Dallas Cowboys product

Jerry Jones couldn’t see clearly.

Dallas Cowboys fans have said the same, metaphorically, for decades, of course, as the meddlesome owner has monopolised football operations. But on 6 September 2012, as America’s Team battled the Giants in a tense season opener, Jerry Jones literally couldn’t see clearly. His glasses were smudged, and he needed help. 

With one minute and one second left in the second quarter of Thursday Night Football, NBC cameras caught Jones gesticulating wildly in a luxury suite at MetLife Stadium. Tony Romo had just found Kevin Ogletree for a touchdown, with Dan Bailey adding the extra point, but Jerry seemed unsettled despite a 7-3 Cowboy lead. (1)

Sat next to Stephen, his doting son, Jerry shook his head in the front row, then reached back to absentmindedly pass those murky spectacles to a faceless functionary in the shadows. Said functionary produced a handkerchief from an inside pocket while Jerry sipped a Pepsi. Duly scrubbed, the glasses were handed back to Jones, who placed them upon his nose. (1)

“Wow, I can actually see,” said the Cowboys impresario. (2)

At last, muttered 20 million viewers around the world. (3)

Dallas won the game, 24-17, to kickstart another inconsistent 8-8 season. Rather than Romo’s three touchdown passes or the return of tight end Jason Witten from a lacerated spleen, however, the whole Smithers cleaning Mr Burns’ glasses meme dominated the aftermath. (2)

The 15-second vignette went viral, propelled by giddy discussion on nascent social media. Some asked how they could apply to be Jerry’s personal lacky, while others wondered what else this guy wiped for the bombastic owner.

The whole scenario evoked imagery of lords and serfs, kings and servants, egomaniacs and sycophants. The cartoon strip seemed symbolic of the Jerry Jones soap opera; another example, indeed, of the Dallas Cowboys conundrum – opportunistic marketing, however ingenious, distracting from on-field business.

In typical Cowboys fashion, attention quickly turned to identifying the loyal aide – the Vice President of Spectacle Cleaning, as dubbed by Yahoo, or The Man Who Cleans Jerry Jones’ Glasses, per the Dallas Morning News. Eagle-eyed sleuths soon outed the poor soul as Shy Anderson, Jerry’s son-in-law through marriage to Charlotte Jones, the Cowboys’ marketing head. The irony of a guy named Shy going viral seemed to be lost on most. (3) (4) (5)

Of course, the Cowboys have been a family business since Jerry bought the team in 1989 – quite literally a ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ operation. As such, Anderson worked within the team’s business development wing, and previously oversaw the ill-fated Dallas Desperados arena football experiment, despite building his own investment career beforehand. (6) Shy landed a spot in the inner sanctum on gamedays, often sitting next to the ayatollah himself, hence his presence in the posh MetLife seats on that fateful night. 

“Jerry never talks to anybody during a game,” Anderson told the Dallas Morning News when asked about the infamous incident. “He is so focused. But he started asking, ‘Where’s Witten?’ I was looking over his shoulder and I could see his glasses were completely smudged. I said, ‘Seriously, Jerry? Let me see your glasses.’ I actually had an eyeglass cloth in my pocket.” (7)

Anderson received good-natured ribbing from all quarters, leading Jones – ever the spin doctor – to mention the incident on his KRLD radio slot. “I heard somebody might need to be shining my shoes up there,” Jerry quipped. “Somebody else serving me hors d’oeuvres in between the huddle. We’ll get this done right. Had you told me last week that we’re going to be able to laugh and smile about this, and this would be something fun and notable to talk about, I would have taken that in a minute. I was about to die up there. About to swallow my tongue.” (8)

Nobody turns fleeting arcana into saleable merchandise, ephemeral vignettes into attention-grabbing discourse, better than the Dallas Cowboys, of course. And almost immediately after seeing his phone blow up with witty messages, Shy Anderson got to work on a quintessential pivot.

By 11 September, less than a week after the viral encounter, Anderson had designed and ordered a batch of so-called ‘Jerry Wipes,’ custom microfibre cloths used to clean glasses. “They can also be used for spontaneous shoe shining,” Anderson told the Dallas Morning News, parodying Jerry’s radio line. “It started out as a joke, but let’s see how far we can take it.” (7)

In a story fit for The Onion, the Cowboys added Jerry Wipes – item number 028940336 – to their official online store on 12 September. Listed as an ‘exclusive’ product in the Home & Office section, the 6”x 6” cloths – grey with a blue star and a scrawled wordmark – sold for $2.99, or $2.54 for Fan Club members. (9)

“The Official Shop of the Dallas Cowboys brings you the must-have Dallas Cowboys Jerry Wipes!” read the item description. “Just think – one day you’re standing next to Jerry and he needs his glasses cleaned…just pull out a Jerry Wipe and you’ll look like a champ! The best part? All proceeds from Jerry Wipes go to help the Salvation Army charities. Limited quantities available.” (9) 

In fairness, the charity element was a stroke of genius from the Cowboys, though some critics accused the team of veiling attention economy arbitrage in showcase philanthropy. “Charlotte – my wife, Jerry’s daughter – is the first chairwoman of the national Salvation Army,” Anderson explained in a KTCK radio interview. “And any time you have the opportunity like this to make the public really recognise the Salvation Army and what they do, and be able to redirect the money because of something that was caught on television, you take it. The way I look at it, it was the world’s reality TV window into our suite, and they took it all out of context.” (5) 

To that end, ESPN mocked up a marketing plan for Jerry Wipes, explaining how they were ‘great for late-season messes, including collapses, throwing up all over yourself, tears of disappointment, sanitising your hands after contact with Rob Ryan, wiping down your bandwagon seat, and covering your eyes during the fourth quarter.’ (10)

Within 24 hours of going online, the initial batch of Jerry Wipes sold out, prompting Anderson to place a second order, though exact stock quantities were never revealed. “I wasn’t in this to make any money,” he told ESPN Dallas amid surging interest. “This has gone crazy, and I just cleaned my father-in-law’s glasses. It’s taken to the water cooler.” (2) (11)

Like many things in Jerryworld, though, the transient sideshow faded like a fleeting supernova. Dallas lost to the Seahawks, 27-7, on 16 September, and the news cycle moved on. After beating the defending Super Bowl champions in Week 1, the Cowboys were hauled back down to earth in Seattle, and their trademarked inconsistency set the agenda for reporters and talking heads alike.

Speaking of trademarks, indeed, Dallas Cowboys Merchandising Limited applied for a real one on 21 September. The target entity? Jerry Wipes, of course. The Cowboys paid $325 to apply for the trademark, which was granted – with registration number 4,334,695 – in May 2013. (12) (13)

By that point, however, Jerry Wipes had all but fizzled out. The second batch of stock lasted months, rather than hours, and the entire episode felt like a surreal fever dream. A brief resurgence came in September 2013, when Giants defensive tackle Cullen Jenkins referenced Jerry Wipes amid injury-faking allegations from Jones. “Maybe he should get his son-in law to clean his glasses a little better,” said Jenkins, adding to the gathering lore, but the phenomenon had largely passed. (14) (15)

To that end, the Jerry Wipes trademark expired in December 2019 after several chasers regarding inactivity. Six months earlier, Charlotte Jones filed for divorce from Shy Anderson, citing irreconcilable differences, and messy legal machinations rumbled into 2022, by which point Anderson – and his microfibre cloths – had moved on. (12) (16)

Today, Shy’s son is a scout for the Cowboys, while Charlotte Jones remains the team’s chief brand officer. Meanwhile, Shy continues to invest in real estate and sports projects, perhaps most notably TopGolf, the ascendent driving range product. And as for Jerry Wipes, the short-lived totem of Dallas Cowboys largesse? Well, you can find an unopened packet on eBay – ‘vintage rare’ – for $25. I know because mine is currently the highest bid. Maybe there’s method to the Cowboys’ madness after all. (17)

Sources

1. YouTube. [Online] September 6, 2012. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kz_99NnGOec.

2. Watkins, Calvin. ESPN. [Online] September 12, 2012. https://www.espn.com/blog/dallas/cowboys/post/_/id/4697474/jerry-wipes-are-for-sale.

3. USA Today. [Online] September 12, 2012. https://eu.usatoday.com/story/gameon/2012/09/12/cowboys-jerry-wipes/1413545/.

4. Yahoo Sports. [Online] September 11, 2012. https://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/shutdown-corner/jerry-wipes-now-clean-glasses-just-jerry-jones-192936435--nfl.html.

5. Wilonsky, Robert. Dallas Morning News. [Online] September 13, 2012. https://www.dallasnews.com/sports/cowboys/2012/09/13/a-viral-joke-one-week-ago-jerry-wipes-are-now-quite-real-and-on-sale/?outputType=amp.

6. LinkedIn. [Online] https://www.linkedin.com/in/shy-anderson-ab90a75.

7. Dallas Morning News. [Online] September 10, 2012. https://www.dallasnews.com/news/2012/09/10/jerry-jones-son-in-law-shy-anderson-gets-last-laugh-with-his-new-product-jerry-wipes/#:~:text=Shy%20has%20designed%20and%20ordered,%E2%80%9CJerry%20Wipes%E2%80%9D%20printed%20on%20them.

8. Fox Sports. [Online] September 11, 2012. https://www.foxsports.com/stories/other/report-jones-son-in-law-creates-jerry-wipes.

9. Shop Cowboys. [Online] September 16, 2012. https://web.archive.org/web/20120916001400/http:/www.shopcowboys.com:80/product/dallas-cowboys-jerry-wipes,4990,57.htm.

10. Gallo, DJ. ESPN. [Online] September 13, 2012. https://www.espn.com/blog/playbook/fandom/post/_/id/11114/cowboys-cleaning-up-on-the-competition.

11. Fox Sports. [Online] September 14, 2012. https://www.foxsports.com/stories/other/report-jerry-wipes-sell-out-in-one-night.

12. United States Patent and Trademark Office. [Online] https://tsdr.uspto.gov/#caseNumber=85735014&caseSearchType=US_APPLICATION&caseType=DEFAULT&searchType=statusSearch.

13. United States Patent and Trademark Offices. [Online] May 14, 2013. https://tsdr.uspto.gov/documentviewer?caseId=sn85735014&docId=ORC20130514005928&linkId=2#docIndex=1&page=1.

14. Shop Cowboys. [Online] November 18, 2012. https://web.archive.org/web/20121118020259/http:/www.shopcowboys.com:80/product/dallas-cowboys-jerry-wipes,4990,57.htm.

15. West, Darrell. Billionaires: Reflections on the Upper Crust. 2014.

16. The Wealth Advisor. [Online] April 8, 2022. https://www.thewealthadvisor.com/article/jones-anderson-and-estranged-husband-draw-closer-finalized-divorce?page=2.

17. eBay. [Online] https://www.ebay.com/itm/116653157364.